Becoming a Cat Lady

I got my first kitten, Mr. Chips, in 2008 at the ripe old age of 23. I was finally living in an apartment that was “pet friendly” and my roommate and I were itching to get pets.  She splurged for a pure bread black pug (Oti) and I went the more traditional route and hit up the local shelter. Pure bread dogs are one thing, but cat genealogy just doesn’t seem legit.

Mr. Chips and Bill Bryson hanging out like old pals.

Mr. Chips got his name from a menu item at the local diner…some type of chocolate chip pancake concoction for the kiddos. I loved him from the moment I saw his squeaky little face. Originally they told me his was deaf – apparently many white cats with blue eyes have that disability. He certainly acted oddly as a kitten, but from what I can tell now, he isn’t really deaf. He tends to stare at walls, make birdlike chirping sounds, and is completely incapable of covering his own poop in the litter box, but other than that he is 100% cat. Bored by humans, annoyed when you pick him up, and content with sitting in the window all day.

Being the inexperienced indoor cat owner that I was (I grew up with 2 outdoor cats), I decided that Mr. Chips’s oddities were the result of a lack of a playmate. What else was he supposed to do all day besides stare at walls?! Clearly he needed a kitty friend. I thought, “Perhaps this new friend could teach him how to use the litter box properly!” (I kid you not, he does his poo thing and then just scrapes at the air or an adjoining wall for a good 10 minutes, perplexed by the fact that the air still reeks of his shit). Not 1 month after Mr. Chips joined my little family, Lil Deuce came along.

I chose Deuce for two reasons. One: he was black and white just like my two cats from home and Two: he was isolated in his own little cage MEOWING AND CRYING up a storm. Oh and he was completely covered in dirt and was the size of a baby bunny. Truly a face only a surrogate mother could love.

Pleeze luv me. I haz no Mommy.

At first Mr. Chips seemed to hate Lil’ Deuce. This is a feeling I completely understand; I, too, hated my brother when my parents brought him home and dropped him in MY play area. Over time the two have come to tolerate each other (sometimes they even lick each other’s butts!!), but my “lets have happy kitty playtime while Mommy is at work” plan didn’t quite work out how I expected. Deuce clearly had some “mommy issues” from the beginning and almost instantly developed a creepy need to be by my side at all times. Mr. Chips just wasn’t doing it for him either.  Deuce has since grown into a fat, verbal, extremely dog-like cat who would rather spend his time licking my skin, rummaging through the trash for scraps, or chasing his bff “Doug” (a stuffed fish) around the house than anything. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent ignoring this cat’s cries to be fed, enter my bedroom, or go outside. In fact, I think I’m pretty well prepped for motherhood someday if I do say so myself.

So now here I am, well on my way to becoming a bona fide cat lady. I’ve got two highly dysfunctional animals and a burning desire to keep adding to the brood. Thankfully I’ve learned my lesson however; Deuce recently ended up with some magical crystals in his pee-pee place that had to be surgically removed (an interesting post for a rainy day). Needless to say, that cost a pretty penny and there is no way in hell I can afford another pee-crystal-cat (because you just never know). Although there’s always the purebreads…

Friendz 4eva.


Posted on September 27, 2010, in Catz. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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